Background to Joy

As the totally cool, clued-in reader knows from reading our site at CaringBridge (www.caringbridge.org/visit/davekaty), the universe has made a U turn for us. I am now home -- 2 days early -- and loving it. 2 days early makes me a superstah.

Less stated is that it makes Katy a Megastah. With this news, she has needed to get the house ready, drive to pick up Rx and palliatives, pick up the dog, ensure that her helpful brother Steve is not entirely neglected and has tasks to fill his willing hands, come to the hospital, talk to the PAs, help get my stuff home, sorted, put it away; organize my meds by day and hour, sanitize bathrooms, kitchen, handle communications with folks, clean dishes, do laundry, worry about separation of stuff between me and the rest of the world, tidy the house, and more.

Consequently, she is at the end of her rope. I worry (and have worried) that my early return and heavy-duty proscriptions against nearly any kind of useful work just make it too much. She is at the end of her rope, and I have no rope. {lus any independent action on my part just makes more work, reasonably enough, in that she has been saddled with caregiving.

She is doing a marvelous job, and of course I love her giant loads. Wonderful friends make open-ended and generous offers of help. There is no going back to the hospital (not that I could bear that), and it is wonderful to be home. The thought of nearly anything generous, loving, beautiful or comforting pretty much puts me in tears; the thought of most anything else makes me queasie. So I may seek help in mindfulness or mindlessness, but I need to be out of my mind right now.